It's raining outside and I was supposed to take some photos today with a dear friend of mine, who is a great photographer; Josefine Maad (http://staccato.se/), but obviously the rain stopped us.... So now I'm not sure what to do, I have been doing bits and bobs around the house, been to a second hand shop with my sis Pia, and we also had a "fika" (if you are not familiar with this great Swedish word..look it up!!.. ) and now I'm back home...I know I need to practice for a little concert on Monday, and I will once I'm done here. But then? What do people do on a Saturday night? I'm not much of a "going-out-to-bars-kinda-gal", but I don't wanna sit and watch a movie all eve's of the weekend either... I know, this is totally what we would call a "developed county issue" (i-lands problem)...it is of no important what so ever. But still to me it gives me troubles, coz I'm just soooo restless that my mind tend to get very anxious when I feel I'm not doing anything useful all the time. This is a problem I know I have written about before, but I'm sure many with me can recognize this constant strive to do something meaningful all of the time. Or maybe it's just me! Who knows!... Anyhow, I wish I could just lay on a sofa and read a book, but I think I just have to accept that is just not me. I'm overly efficient and a "do-er". Enough said about that.
Nothing new in my life otherwise...most exciting thing right now seems to be that I keep getting all of these weird carrots... "Don efter person" as we say in Swedish, witch means kinda means "right thing to the right person"....you get what you deserve basically! So since I have such a low sense of humor, I probably get those carrots, coz it amuses me so much!
No questions what the sex is on this one!!.. XD
Some sort of strangling goin' on here!.. Disagreement in the garden patch??
"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity."
- Ellen Parr
Since I have suffered quite bad side effects of stress, like migraine, stomach problems, anxiety attacks etc. am I trying "re-learn" myself in the way I do and think about my everyday life. I try to take breaks, I try to have a proper lunch break, I try not to over-do things, I try to feel in the end of the day that I have done enough and that that is good enough...but to be honest; it's bloody hard to change these well routed ways in your brain!! :S And during a migraine attack my sense of "never be good enough" tend to increase...I always get stuck in having to be as efficient as possible all waken hours, witch just makes the migraine worse and so the spinning wheel is started... So today I when I have an evening to myself I thought I practice myself in mindfulness, just being in what I do and feel that that is enough and let things take time! So I went out to my garden patch and picked some onion, tomatoes and broccoli to cook a nice, healthy, slow meal! :)
I posted a pic of my patch this spring, when it was nothing more than a pile of shit and dirt, this is what it looks like today:
This is what I picked, the first time I'm trying to grow broccoli by the way! :)
Once the meal was done I decided to eat it whilst just listening to some classical music, sitting at the kitchen table, NOT in front of the telly like I usually do when I'm alone. I do that because I can't stand just sitting still on a chair just eating on my own. If I do it with other people I talk with them witch means I'm doing something, so when I'm alone I watch something or read something, like a magazine. Just sitting eating is just a waste of time and not efficient enough. I used to think. But that is changing, and I have to say I really enjoyed my meal and I took the time to really taste the food. It tasted delicious! And I enjoyed ever minute sitting there just eating. On my own! :)
"I'm beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life witch are the real ones after all."
- Laura Ingalls Wilder
I took a wonderful walk in the setting sun just now and I was so overwhelmed with all the beauty of the nature and Tchaikovsky's piano concerto no 1 in my headphones that I almost started to cry!...Could I be more of a singer!?? XD But that's how my life is; I feel all the time and a lot! Don't seem to be able to shut it down...But I wouldn't want it any other way; how can I be a good singer if I don't have my feelings close to my heart!? I often get to hear that I'm a singer who expresses a lot and that's the greatest compliment I could ever get, because all the right notes and pitches in the world mean nothing if I have nothing to say!
During this walk I also saw some "midsommarblomster" and they are supposed to bloom in May/June! And it's SEPTEMBER!!! Oh such a survivor in this harsh world! :)
I had my dear friend Jon and his brother Tim over this weekend, and it was so lovely to have them over! Can not believe it's been 3 years since I last saw Jon...Time truly does fly. Jon & I lived together in Glasgow when I lived there. A lot happened that year, so we really got to know each other and he feels like my brother, and now that I met him I realize how much I miss him!! But I'm happy he's in my life even tho' I don't get to see him very often! They were only here for 2 short days, and of course we made sure that we had a crayfish party (or kräftskiva as we say in Sweden) during this time, to show them the best of Sweden!.. ;)
It was a lovely evening, but now it's a new week ahead and so much to do! My plan this autumn is to start my own business in singing, teaching etc. and I know I have sooo much to learn about starting a company, but I'm really looking forward to it! :) The other thing I'm up to this autumn is to start learning roles in operas. I have been told this many times, and this time it's gonna happen!! I have to if I ever want to make this "livin'-on-my-singin'-dream" come through. So I have a lot to work to be done these coming months, but hopefully it will lead me forward in life!
I think I'll start with a "to do"-list!..
"Hard work doesn't guarantee success, but improves its chances."
- B.J Gupta
Last week I realized we have a bug that's eating small little holes in clothes (called "pälsängrar" in Swedish)....and that meant that we had to wash ALL of our clothes and ALL of our bed linen, duvet covers etc. ALL OF THEM. So I have been quite busy the last week...
Other than washing all week, I have started my work as a teacher at Brättegårdens skola, witch is a treatment home for girls. The girls can truly be a hand full, but the job is very rewarding, and I do feel like a do some thing of value!
This summer has not been so warm, and we still haven't got any ripe tomatoes...except for this one! :)
Yes it's ONE tomatoe!!...It's called "Black Krim".
Viksägen, just 5 min from where I live!
I have started to use Instagram on my iPhone and I love it! Have used it for a couple of months now, and I will start to upload some pics here in my blog, coz you know what they say; A picture says more than thousand words! :)
Until death do us part...
Honestly, how hard can it be to start a blog a blog and then just write on it on a regular basis?? Hard apparently. :) I have felt the need to write many times, because so many things has happen, but I have chosen not to write just because many things has happened. I have had some time off in the evening instead of writing. Usually it’s great for me to write, it makes me happier, more creative etc, but as it is now I have really tried to learn how to take things off my “to do list” when life gets busy. I’m getting better and better at it I must say! :)
Anyway...it’s 03.30 AM and I’m sitting in my bed in Kopparberg. I have been in bed due to heavy migraine for 12 hours and I the pill just wont work, so I’m in pain but can’t sleep and the need to write just came over me. So what am I doing in Kopparberg (and where the hell is that? It’s where they make the cider! ;) ) ? I’m here on a great course in operasinging! I have been here since friday and I have had migraine since friday...I’m soooo frustrated! I have had problems with my migraine for many year, but it’s really getting better and better! I have managed to stop entirely with the pain medication that triggered headache, so that headache is gone by now! Victory!! This has made it possible to sort out witch headache is migraine and I haven’t had an attack like this for a month. That’s good but it just gets me so frustrated that I have to get it now when I really wanna work on my singing and being focused....! But I guess I have to learn that this is one thing I can’t control and just let it go. Accept it for what it is and rest when I get it. But it’s hard!
I think it’s time for another pill and to try and get some sleep...new day tomorrow and hopefully one without pain.
Yes. I got myself an iPhone since I do have a MacBook and thought that I probably would like the iPhone since I do love my Macellina (yes that's my computers name)! And I have to say I really like it, but I would probably have loved any smart phone! :P But enough about that...Phones take up way to much of peoples life so I'm not gonna make this blog on more place! :P It's nice when a smart phone works, but sometimes it seems they only make people more lazy and more dumb. I hope I'm wont be on of those.
Last time I wrote I had been out in my garden patch and digging. The patch is now bigger, but that's all I have done in 2 weeks. It's been raining ever since, and even though I wrote that there's only bad clothes, not bad weather, it gets kinda tiring when it ONLY rains. Would actually be nice with some sun, and then some rain in between! But that's another thing I'm learning; I can NOT control the weather, no matter how hard I try!! But sun would be nice because I can feel I'm down on my reserve when it comes to energy...and I'm sure many with me. But the sun will shine again. Something to think about when everything feels dark and rainy. Whether it's dark outside or in your soul. Tomorrow the sun will shine again!
Morgen - Richard Strauss
Und morgen wird die Sonne wieder scheinen, und auf dem Wege, den ich gehen werde, wird uns, die Glücklichen, sie wieder einen inmitten dieser sonnenatmenden Erde…
Und zu dem Strand, dem weiten, wogenblauen, werden wir still und langsam niedersteigen, stumm werden wir uns in die Augen schauen, und auf uns sinkt des Glückes stummes Schweigen…
In time for Easter I finally felt better! No cough, no antibiotics and a wee bit of strength back, and on top of that I actually had two days off! No work, no singing, no nothing for two days, yay!!! So Easter was relaxing for me even though I had to work on Easter Eve. Unfortunately the weather has been crap, cold and rain/snow! So no relaxing in the sun, but hiding indoors under a blanket! And the weeks I was sick the weather was lovely, with nice warming sun..."oh that's nice!" you think but the fact was that I wasn't allowed to spend to much time in the sun due to the antibiotics, so I had to stay indoors anyway! :( And once I started to feel better, the rain and cold came again! Do'h!!!
So what do you do when the rain pours down and you feel like getting started on doing things again? Well I tend to my flowers and plants! I'm quite the nerd when it comes to growing things!! I have already started to sow seeds that's gonna grow in my garden patch and lots of flowers too! :) But there's a limited amount of things to do indoors and tons to do outdoors in spring, witch I love! And it's a good thing I like working in the garden, because our garden is 2200 square metre!.. I have sooooo much to do right now, spring time is always the most busy, and what does it do; rain and even snow!... So what does a real gardener do? She puts on her rainsuit and goes out anyway. There's a saying in Sweden: "Det finns inget dåligt väder, bara dåliga kläder", witch kinda means "there's no bad weather, only bad/wrong clothes" and I have to say I truly find that to be true. If you only have the right gear most weathers are workable! :) But you can't be a Prima Donna and be afraid to get dirt under your nails. :P Maybe that's one of the reasons why I love it so much, it keeps me grounded.
And yes, it's shit. ;)
Last week I went to the Doctor because I never really got better from a small cold and I have gotten this pressure over my chest. It turned out to be pneumonia! I must say I was quite surprised...I thought I was just being a silly singer who is overly cautious! :P But for the last week I have been home doing just about nothing. The first days it was hard just walking, but the antibiotics help after a few days so that I at least could walk up the stairs without a burning sensations in my lungs! And slowly I could start doing bits and bobs, like tending to my pelargoniums (yes, I'm a total nerd when it comes to flowers!) and I also tried to sing some to see if my voice had taken any damage. It hadn't but geez I couldn't even get through ONE song without that burning feeling!.. So I had to cancel 2 gigs. Very small ones, but still. And after a few days I tried to sing again and the burning was better, but still there. Just lay low for a while and get better, you think...and yeah I could do that but with my luck I obviously have an audition on Monday. Of course.
Tried to sing again today and the range is there and everything, but I have the stamina like Newman in Seinfeld! I sound like I'm 103 years old and have this strange slow vibrato that's totally It's such a strange feeling not to be able to take a proper breath. And except from that I feel fine! I have had a good weeks rest and just want to be able to sing again...I feel totally lost when I can't sing! Anyone ever felt that way? Well I guess this has been a good test to see weather I'm a true singer in my heart. And apparently I am! ;)
"So I say thank you for the music, for bringing it to me!"